


Burned

by daydreams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, Unhappy Ending, don't read if you haven't seen civil war, there's pain, unless you only read chapter 1 then it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreams/pseuds/daydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark doesn't have a soulmate.<br/>Or maybe he has one, but it doesn't matter, because he won't know who it is, even if he meets them.<br/>Because he doesn't have a mark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As English is not my first language, please tell me if you find any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Tony Stark doesn't have a soulmate.

Or maybe he has one, but it doesn't matter, because he won't know who it is, even if he meets them.

Because he doesn't have a mark.

He remembers the first time he saw a black signature scribbled across Jarvis' wrist - and he was confused, because really, he had only ever seen black ink on the skin of people his dad warned him about, because they were "rockers" and "hooligans" and Tony shouldn't go near them; but Jarvis was nothing like that - and when he asked Jarvis about it, he smiled, not saying anything about it; and Tony had wondered why Jarvis still looked so sad when Tony had glanced at his own wrist, only to find what he already knew was there: nothing but one perfectly rectangular scar, exactly where Jarvis' mark was, and of course, there was no name on Tony's wrist, because even if there had been one, it was not there anymore, burned away by the hundreds of degrees hot piece of iron he accidentally touched in his dad's workshop a few years ago.

In school, as he got into his teens, he noticed people talking more and more about this thing, the thing that Tony now had learned was determined by the marks on people's wrists: soulmates. Everyone had his soulmate's name on his wrist, written in the handwriting of said person, and of course everyone hoped to meet them one day and spend the rest of their lives with them.

Everyone but Tony.

So, yeah, he got a little discouraged by that. By not even having the chance to find his soulmate. Because of course, people more often than not didn't find their soulmate before they died, but Tony didn't even get the chance to _try_ , and it made him angry and frustrated and very, very sad.

But he swallowed the feeling of being utterly, completely alone, he buried the fear of always, for the rest of his life, being on his own and not having someone who just _belonged_ to him, like everyone else had them. Tony moved on, and if he got a little bitter on the way and sometimes still cried at night when he realized empty he felt, well, no one had to know.

At some point, Tony just told people he didn't believe in soulmates. It worked just fine, he wasn't the only one with this opinion and it made people back off when they asked about the name on his wrist (of course they didn't know he didn't have a name).

Tony gave up and lived his life without thinking much about his soulmate anymore.

Until one day, Steve Rogers entered his life. Steve Rogers with his gorgeous smile and kind eyes and soft touches to comfort Tony because from the beginning, Steve always knew when Tony wasn't feeling well.

Tony fell head over heels for Steve. He was so completely in love with Steve that it made his heart ache and his brain simply switch off every time Steve said his name.

It felt wonderful.

And then, the impossible happened - on that one day when Tony was so deeply buried in work that he might have forgotten to eat or sleep for 2 days and Steve came down to his workshop with food and coffee and it made Tony smile instantly and he wrapped his arms around Steve and mumbled "Oh god, I just love you" before he even realized what he was saying. And of course he could've blamed it on sleep deprivation and say that he didn't mean it _that_ way, but Steve had already returned his smile and hug and said "I love you back, you know" and in that second, Tony completely froze and stared at Steve in shock and disbelief until Steve chuckled and softly pressed his lips to Tony's, which was exactly when Tony regained control of his brain and pulled Steve closer and they had kissed for a wonderfully blissful first time.

There had been dates after that, and many more kisses and hugs and really good sex (and Tony was never going to admit how fast he melted into a screaming mess under Steve's touch) and Tony, for the first time in his life, had thought that this must be what it would feel like to have a soulmate.

He got a little sad then, because he knew he wasn't Steve's soulmate - Steve's wrist said "James Buchanan Barnes" in big, bold letters - but Bucky was long dead, fallen in the second world war, and when Tony asked about this and how it affected his own relationship with Steve, Steve just shook his head and told him not to worry, because apparently, Steve really was in love with Tony and Tony couldn't be any happier.

So no, Tony still doesn't have a soulmate. But in this moment, finding himself being impossibly happy in the presence of Steve Rogers, for the first time in his life, Tony doesn't care about that anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Then Bucky comes back.

And just like that, Tony’s world crumbles apart. Or no, not only Tony’s world, it’s Steve’s world too. It’s what they had built together, the safe space they had in each other’s presence, the relationship they had – against the odds, because what was the chance of two people as broken as they were being happy again just because they had found someone? – it had been good, for almost a year, it had worked, for them, it had made Tony hope again for a future with someone, not on his own… and now this was gone.

Because Bucky is Steve’s soulmate, and they both know. They know that if Steve manages to make Bucky remember, if Steve manages to get him back – then their relationship will end. Tony will be back in second place, if anything, and he can’t even blame him.

At once, the pain from the past years is back, the pain that results from not having a soulmate, not ever having _anyone_ who stays – the pain of being utterly alone for the rest of his life. It’s worse now, though, because Tony had hope – he had genuinely believed in a future with Steve, had thought that Steve wouldn’t walk out on him because there was no chance Steve could suddenly meet his soulmate in the mall and just leave Tony, like others did, no, Steve’s soulmate was dead, this was safe – until it wasn’t.

Tony feels as if the universe made him just to laugh at him. He still helps Steve find Bucky, because Steve is still his boyfriend, and Tony still loves him, loves him so much – not that he thinks he’s ever gonna stop loving Steve, to be honest – but it tears him apart.

Maybe if Steve wasn’t so damn apologetic all the time, it wouldn’t be so hard. If Steve had just broken up with Tony the moment he noticed his _real_ partner, his _soulmate_ was alive, then Tony could get away from him and maybe, possibly, in a few years’ time, get over it. But no, Steve keeps looking at Tony like he wants to apologize even though he doesn’t have anything to apologize for, and he keeps kissing Tony, hell, he keeps _sleeping with_ Tony, and it’s even more intense now, like Steve know that these times are limited, that once Bucky is back he will walk out on Tony and he probably won’t even miss him, because he will be back with the one person the universe has chosen for him, the only person he truly belongs to.

Tony finds himself having nightmares again, all the time, he finds himself curled up on the floor in panic attacks and trying to tell himself that no, he’s not dying, even though it really feels like it. Steve notices, of course, but then he looks at Tony like that again and Tony hates it, he hates himself for being so weak, he hates himself for making Steve sad even though it’s not Steve’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault – so instead of talking to Steve about getting bad again, he just makes sure Steve doesn’t witness it too often anymore.

They don’t find Bucky for another 6 months. It’s torture for Tony, the illusion he had in the beginning of maybe being able to live like this, to stay with Steve and be okay even though Bucky is out there somewhere, is dissolving as Tony falls back into old habits, not sleeping for more than 2 hours per night because if he sleeps any longer the nightmares will come back, and he doesn’t really go outside anymore because the pictures of himself that appear on the internet and in the papers afterwards make him see how much he’s breaking, how broken he already _is_ , with dark circles under his eyes and the loss of pride visible in the way he walks.

But fate spits in Tony’s face once more when Bucky is spotted blowing up a conference in Wakanda. Steve is gone in an instant, and Tony breaks down when he notices it, he’s standing in his workshop and shaking for hours, not being able to stop the tears from running down his face even though he doesn’t sob, or cry, really, he just stares at the wall with his shirt slowly being wet by the tears and his hands not stopping to shake no matter how much he tries to make them stop.

He flies after Steve, then, to Berlin, because yes, he knows he will never get Steve back – this has been the end, and he didn’t even get a good bye, hell no, Steve left after they had fought about these stupid Accords, and Tony didn’t even get to tell him that this is nothing personal, that he still loves Steve with all his heart, always will – but he doesn’t want Steve to get hurt, can’t bear the thought of him possibly dying at the hands of the Winter Soldier, who is still dangerous, of course he is…

They talk again and Tony still tries to reason with him, to get him to sign the Accords, to not leave him completely even though their relationship is broken – not that they talk about their relationship, they both know that this is not the time, that it will never be the way it was again – but Steve doesn’t listen to him, he closes off, rejects the approach and leaves.

Tony nods to himself and tries not to cry in front of the employees of the German government walking around in the room.

They meet again on the airport, fighting, Tony has gathered a little team, but he doesn’t really plan on hurting Steve, he couldn’t – which is why his fighting is half-heartedly, why he can’t let Steve get away but also doesn’t really do _everything_ in his power to stop him, he can’t, he feels numb and he’s only fighting on because the others are doing so too and there’s the kid as well who is looking up to Tony for some reason and it would be awful to let them down –

Rhodey gets shot down.

There’s a static noise in his brain. Tony can’t think anymore.

He still tries to find Steve again. Flies into the mountains. “As a friend”, yes, of course, because they’re not more than that anymore. If even that. He’s not sure.

Tony didn’t think there was something left in him to break, but after watching that video of Barnes killing his mother, he snaps. Completely, this time. There’s a small part in his brain that still goes “you can’t hurt Steve, you can’t, he’s your boyfriend, you love him”, but Tony knows that this voice is wrong in at least once point – Steve is not his boyfriend, not his partner, anymore. Hasn’t been since the moment he found out Barnes was alive.

The rest is a blur. Tony fights, he still does, there is rage in him somewhere, but mostly he just fights because he can’t stop. Because if he stops, it will be over. It will be final.

It still does stop, when even the last bit of Tony’s energy is gone.

Steve walks away with Bucky. Steve chooses Bucky, and of course he does. Tony can’t blame him, still can’t, for wanting to be with his soulmate, the one he’s meant to be with.

He just wishes he could’ve told Steve that if Tony could have chosen a soulmate, it would have been Steve. That Tony had spent the past one and a half years wishing that the name that had once been under his scar was “Steve Rogers”, and that he could know somehow.

But he doesn’t get a chance, and Steve is gone.

Tony is alone again, and there’s nothing left for him but to wish that the accident as a child had not only burned his wrist, but his entire body with it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to get feedback on this, especially as English is not my first language and this was my first English fic, as well as my first MCU fic, so any kind of feedback is appreciated.
> 
> You can find me here:  
> twitter.com/stonytrash  
> englishandmusic.tumblr.com  
> (come talk to me if you want to)


End file.
